Night Before Wellness

 Night Before Wellness

by Jeff Haebig

T’was the night before wellness, all through the place, not a person was stirring it was a disgrace.

My program was started with thoughts of health care, I hoped many people soon would be there.

Nutrition was taught but despite what I said, visions of junk food danced in their heads.

And rather than walking or running their laps, most people wanted their long winter naps!

When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter, as people discovered they were getting much fatter.

Away to the gym they flew like a flash, it seemed to appear they were having a bash.

The moon on the breast of their heart throbbing chests, glistened in sweat and was I impressed.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear, they replaced Gatorade with pretzels and beer!

I offered a food course so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it would do the trick.

More rapid than eagles to my food course they came, but when it was over they were eating the same.

Eggnog, French fries, butter and cream, so high in cholesterol I wanted to scream!

No dashing with salt they all heard my call, yet despite the warnings they dashed away all.

I offered new courses to which they all flew, but sensed their frustration and I felt some too!

And then in a twinkling they asked for some proof, they thought that my teachings were only a spoof.

I went ahead and turned things around, I taught them new health skills which seemed more profound.

Like relaxation from head to their feet, they thought biofeedback was really a treat!

And target heart rates, CPR too, positive thinking when feeling blue.

A bundle of skills which help prevent ills, they thought my health lessons no longer such frills.

Their eyes how they twinkled, dispositions how merry, complexions like roses, they're no longer wary!

And then it was time for budget review, with probing questions like, “How did I do?”

The tightening purse string drawn up like a bow, for me to get money I would have to show …

A total health program so mighty, yet lean, The examiner looked rather uptight and mean.

The stump of his pipe he held tight in his teeth, and his cancerous smoke was too much to breathe.

He had a broad face and oversized belly, that shook when he laughed like he ate too much jelly.

He was chubby and plump I thought to myself, and hoped that my programs wouldn’t be shelved.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his pen, led me to think that my programs would end.

He spoke not a word but went straight to his work, then all of a sudden said he “felt like a jerk!”

He wished to lose weight and give up his smoking, I felt so elated I almost was choking!

I sprang to my feet to my team gave a whistle, “We’ll plan you a program that surely won’t fizzle!”

The last words exclaimed as we ended the night, “Wellness quest to all, and to all much delight!”